If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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