I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Success! We fucked roommates!
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