oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
