Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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