ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
