I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
