I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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