Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
