You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
