the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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