Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
