omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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