a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Please don't give away my fajitas
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