dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
