Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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