Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
