D3 body, D1 cock
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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