Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
