All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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