i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
