I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When are your genitals available?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
