In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
