My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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