as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
