mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
