She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
