Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
