your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
