Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
