happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
