I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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