do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
