Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
