I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
