Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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