What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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