When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
