he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What a dumb baby whore.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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