Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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