just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He did a backflip because drugs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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