i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
