I'm lost and stupid without you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
