I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize