so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
