He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
