I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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