the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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