do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
