you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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