the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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