You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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