My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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