Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
