everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
