it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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