You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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