I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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