oh god the rape fog is back!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
