Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize