THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
