Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
