Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
