hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if only i could text you this smell
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had sex on a roof
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
