We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
