i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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