i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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