i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
