If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
